May 2012
12 posts
the difference between DC & Marvel
Bruce Wayne: Secret identities are important - it protects who you are and the ones you love.
Tony Stark: YOLO
May 23rd
22,165 notes
1 tag
Normal people: aww, they're such a cute couple.
Me: I wonder if they fucked yet.
May 16th
3,934 notes
May 10th
16,113 notes
May 8th
16,911 notes
May 7th
3,294 notes
May 7th
31,192 notes
1 tag
May 6th
May 6th
27,487 notes
My dad just emailed me this huge list of puns oh...
I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
When chemists die, they barium.
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.
We’re going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.
Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
Broken pencils are pointless.
I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
All the toilets in New York’s police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.
I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.
A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.
The earthquake in Washington obviously was the Government's fault.
Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.
May 3rd
64,139 notes
2 tags
“I don’t know what’s worse: to not know what you are and be happy, or to become...”
– Daniel Keyes, Flowers for Algernon
May 3rd
15 notes
“Now I understand one of the important reasons for going to college and getting...”
– Daniel Keyes, “Flowers For Algernon” (via juliaudacious)
May 3rd
11 notes
WatchWatch
May 2nd
25 notes
April 2012
22 posts
WatchWatch
betrayed-bybones: take-me-r1ver: nobodybutchiu: elainepramos: Swimming Level: Asian What did I just witness what the OUCHWHAT. Wuuuuuut
Apr 30th
40,585 notes
Apr 30th
638 notes
WatchWatch
Apr 28th
117,102 notes
Apr 26th
122,251 notes
WatchWatch
betrayed-bybones: thebluthcompany: Oh my, God. We’re having a fire… sale.  Single greatest scene in all of television.
Apr 26th
3,352 notes
Apr 25th
12,487 notes
One time when I was 7 i went to this big department store and there was giant rugs hanging from the celling and you could move them to see more rugs, so i moved one and there was an employee sitting behind it eating a bag of Doritos and I screamed and started crying and the store gave us a free rug
Apr 24th
25,825 notes
Apr 24th
13 notes
Apr 24th
978 notes
Apr 24th
64,798 notes
WatchWatch
threshecutioner: dancing-rhapsody: sensorium139: hanamura-sanada: mass-destruction: illest-princess: balognapony: sexychristianman: skate-high: darks1de: OH MY GOD omFG holy f Omg WHAT JUST HAPPENED WHAT WAS THAT COUGHING WHAT OH MY FUCKING GODA FJDSLFDSLFJDSLAFASD FJFDSAFDSALJFSDFJDSALFDSAFJLKJJFKLDAJFDJSFLDSJFLDSJDSLAJF WHAT THE HELL WHAT DID I JUST WITNESS
Apr 19th
104,484 notes
perditah: trolllinginthedeep: Fun fact I knew this girl from camp who had a British accent but she wasn’t from England and then one day I went to her house and her parents didn’t have a British accent either so I asked her where she got it from because I was really confused and she told me her parents faked it until she was 7 because they wanted a child with a British accent omg
Apr 14th
44,602 notes
Apr 13th
7,065 notes
Apr 13th
23,219 notes
WatchWatch
hotbabysitter: I’m pretty sure this kid’s life was over immediately after this aired.
Apr 11th
28,611 notes
Apr 11th
71,720 notes
Apr 10th
159,628 notes
2 tags
Finished Final Fantasy XIII yesterday...
WHAT KIND OF STORY WAS THAT
Apr 9th
1 note
Apr 8th
45,623 notes
Apr 5th
3 notes
2 tags
how my mother works
me: mom i got all A's
mom:
me: mom i cleaned the whole house
mom:
me: mom i don't do drugs and i'm not pregnant
mom:
mom: is this your cup on the table?
me: yes
mom: you never do anything right i do for you all day long and you do nothing for me but stress me out you are so out of control you are grounded if you think you had no life before you just wait i cant believe you treat your own mother this way get out of my sight
Apr 4th
73,852 notes
Apr 3rd
20,048 notes
March 2012
18 posts
giraffe out loud: If ever... →
giraffeoutloud: …you feel like universe is against you Remember that the sparks in a star and the blood in your veins Are made of the same parts And that as long as the stars in the sky are burning Your heart pulses too Forging enough heat To scorch the lands If ever you should fear the future Know that…
Mar 30th
13 notes
Mar 30th
87,045 notes
Mar 28th
38,494 notes
Mar 24th
82,479 notes
2 tags
-A is the Swan Queen.
Mar 20th
1 note
Mar 17th
25,065 notes
Mar 14th
36 notes
Mar 14th
42,113 notes
Mar 13th
34 notes
patronsaintofqualityfootwear: if you say “bloody maury” into a mirror three times you will be the father
Mar 12th
17,663 notes
doctor: what's your zodiac sign?
patient: ...libra, why?
doctor: because you're a cancer now lol
Mar 11th
4,907 notes
Mar 11th
19,116 notes
Mar 10th
21,733 notes
nigga-moon: I have a plan to stop kony: take plane. go to africa. kill kony. grab the kids, go to the winchester, have a nice cold pint, and wait for all of this to blow over.
Mar 8th
7,701 notes
Mar 8th
4 notes
abusivemom: what do you call a fake noodle an impasta
Mar 5th
23,646 notes